I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
