I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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