remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
