so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
