david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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