I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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