So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
