I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
