At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
