I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
