i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
