i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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