Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
