It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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