Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize