DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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