I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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