Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
