just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i now understand why vodka
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
