He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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