He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
