Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
