i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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