Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
