By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
