I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize