As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
