Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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