what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
