Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
