Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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