It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
