you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
