Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
