who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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