I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
