There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
