Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
foreskin is a definite game changer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
