he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
