The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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