I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
