if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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