I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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