I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
