video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
