Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
