i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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