Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
