i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
