at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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