Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
