Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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