you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
