I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
