I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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