I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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