We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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