I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
