i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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