nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
