whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she pinky promised me she was 18
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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