Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
