i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
