Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
