My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
