I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
