Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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