sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
