Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
