It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found a bag of teeth...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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