I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
