so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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