I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is wine microwaveable?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
