Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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