am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
