I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
